Only Constant in Life is Change

worship pugs like there's no tomorrow
 It has been way too long since I last updated this blog. I have the time and space now cause my room just got a great upgrade! *you literally can do anything if you have the money BUT don't prioritize money too much* Anyway, there's a bunch of updates in my life. From really personal stuff to more fresh relationship issue or I might say it has got to do with my feelings.

transformation Friday haha
 Let's start with something really personal to me ever since I can remember; my weight or my body. I have gone down to 82kg this morning (from a whopping 100+kg few years back!). I feel ecstatic and I feel good. To be honest, I no longer feel depressed about weight lost because it's really a lifestyle change. We got to take control of ourselves and make the right decisions. Recently I've gotten so much compliment about my looks, it definitely serves as a confidence boost for me. I have always been struggling with self-esteem. It's hard for me to go out to the public and be bold. Speaking out has always been a great fear for me because I'm afraid of being judged, mainly about my body. People around are noticeably nicer to me and interact with me more! But this is definitely not a full stop cause I am yet to be satisfied with how I look. I believe in a phrase that "You never know how pretty you can be if you not seen a thinner self." It originated from a Chinese Facebook post that I direct translated it. Though not everyone agrees with the statement but it does alter how I view my entire journey. Friends often ask me "How thin or slimmer you want to be?". My answer follows "I don't know, it depends really.. Cause I have not been any thinner than this and I want to see how thin I can be and only I'll decide when I'm gonna stop." But, let's be real, humans are born greedy. We always want more than what we have. Let's take my friend as example, she started off being way heavier than me and now she has reached a weight that I could say comparable with my other thinner friends but hearsay she hasn't stop. Other than her successful weight lost, she finally got a boyfriend. A guy 4 years younger than her.

Now.. I also have a similar person in my life but he's not my boyfriend. We got close through work and we really hit it off in the first few weeks. We can talk about anything and it feels fresh whenever I interact with him. Ultimately, I treat him dearly mainly because I feel that he is a bit broken inside, even though his life to me is going smoothly and there's really not much stresses going on for him. But then as time goes by, my ultimate reason seems quite invalid. Not sure if I'm lying to myself to conceal this romantic attraction towards him. But my friends around me feels like he's kind of the right guy for me. Anyway, my part time has ended and I bet we wouldn't be meeting each other much other than the occasional yumcha that is if he wants to. So I'm just treating him as a guy I have met and remain as a history not to spoken much about, time is all I need to get over this complicated feeling that I'm experiencing. This really reminds me of my first crush that I hope I have already gotten over with, we too had similar compatibility and I guess environment changed us. In the end, he is just a guy I have known and spent quality high school time with. Oh well.. this is not my main problem in life. I have bigger problems and issues to face.

I guess, when it comes to soulmate you really need to follow the flow. He has his ways and we have to believe in Him. And yes, I'm referring to God even though I am the least religious person among my friends but my belief towards existence of God is here in my heart and mind. We just got to believe and have faith.

Okay I'm gonna sign off here. Will have new post soon. i think

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